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Reaching Out!

Sometimes it's not easy to reach out to someone for help. Yet the sooner you do the better you feel!

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." Albert Einstein

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“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” Albert Einstein
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Dr. Darlene DeStefano, PhD

     

Father’s Day Reflections

Posted 9/18/2016

Dear Darlene,

 

It’s that time of year as we approach Father’s Day when I wish I still had my Dad. He was my hero. My Dad was always there for me. He taught me to be proud, to be strong and to be courageous. He helped me renovate my first condo, welcomed my wife into the family, stood by me and helped me

become the man I am today. Dad took my kids to their first Santa Claus Parade, came to their hockey games, told them stories and funny jokes just like he did with me when I was a boy. He died last fall and we miss him terribly. As it neared the end of May I found my sadness deepen and felt so lonely without him. My heart aches, it’s feels like I have a ball stuck in the base of my throat and I want to cry. It’s hard to concentrate at work and when I get home I feel like a zombie. This feels as bad or worse than when he died and we had to endure the funeral home, visitors and the burial. My kids still ask about Grandpa and I remind them he’s gone then quickly change the subject. Since my mother died Dad always spent the holidays and Father’s Day at our place and the kids were noticeably sad this past Christmas without him. How am I to handle Father’s Day with my kids feeling the way I do? My kids make me breakfast, delight in giving me the gift ‘they’ picked out and used to spend the day playing in the yard with their grandfather and I. My wife told me they want to make this Father’s Day an extra special celebration for me. How can I act happy and celebrate Father’s Day when all I can think of is my own father? Do you have any suggestions?

Signed, Missing My Hero

 

Dear Missing My Hero,

I too have lost both my parents and understand what you are experiencing. It’s hard losing someone you love. For myself, I found meditation and energy healing to be my best medicine. Because I have a first hand understanding of loss, grief and depression, and wanted to help others in this area, I incorporated energy healing in my private practice and specialize in grief support. 

At home when we lose someone close to us, my husband and I place a picture of our loved one in a place we have to pass at least once a day. As I pass my parents picture I now smile, or blow them a kiss either physically or mentally, feeling in my heart they are smiling back. One of my client’s shared with me that his family celebrate events with the picture of his mother at their dining table and all family members toast their mother/grandmother. During the dinner they talk about the fond memories, laugh and reminisce. They find this to be a very heartwarming way to celebrate the life of their loved one. Another client said she would light a special candle every evening and say a prayer of thanks for the gift of having had her husband in her life. 

When your children bring up their grandfather it is because they miss him too and need to hear about Grandpa. Try to find a way to tell them stories about your life growing up and why your father was your hero. It’s OK to shed a few tears. Your children need to be able to discuss how much they miss him too. Be filled with gratitude that you had the opportunity to have been blessed to have however many years with a father in your life who mentored, loved and taught you well. It sounds like he was everyone’s hero.


In time the pain of loss lessens and the good memories replace the pain. If you find you are having difficulty in your grieving to the point it begins to affect you living your life well perhaps you should seek counselling, or receive energy healing.


My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care.

 

Live Well,

 

Darlene DeStefano, PhD, CPC, MMsc